I hear this every time I tell someone that I'm choosing to eat clean, be healthier, go "on a diet".

And usually these words are said with a tone of disgust, in which I feel like I'm really hearing, "You skinny minny, you gained five pounds and are crying over it. Give me a break."

They are true. I am "skinny" and I have "gained five pounds" and, in a sense, I am "crying over it". So I grant your "give me a break" by no longer confiding in you during the times I need to make this change.

But before you go thinking that I'm just vain, that I'm high maintenance, or that I'm judging why you're not watching your health as much as I am, let me tell you my side of this story.

I am 5' 3"....which is actually an estimation considering I'm really 5' 2.75"

I live my life based on HOW I FEEL.

Yes, I will weigh myself once or twice a week. If I'm counting calories or am trying to lose a pound or two due to a week of mindless bingeing, I'll check that scale every darn day until I'm back in the black.

I allow myself a five pound range. I can feel when I'm at the lower end of that range and I can feel when I'm at the higher end of that range. And, let's get real, my pants talk too. They know where I'm at on that range as well.

The problem I have is that I love food. Like, I really love food. To which people will look me up and down and think that I'm lying when I say that, like I only love healthy foods or something. I'd love to introduce you to my two girlfriends who have gone out to the Cheesecake Factory with me many times and watched as I've eaten a whole appetizer (fried mac and cheese is my LIFE), entree (mostly a cheeseburger with sweet potato fries and a side of ranch), AND a whole slice of cheesecake (Adam's PB cup fudge ripple cheesecake, to be exact). Have you been to the Cheesecake Factory? Have you seen their servings?

Should I be ashamed to admit that I've eaten that much, in one sitting, to you?

To which ties into the other problem I have and that is that I lack self control. Especially during social events or times of stress or times when I'm bored out of my mind and I just want something to eat to give me comfort and companionship.

And no, I don't munch on kale chips or carrot sticks or apple slices to bide my time. I munch on cookies, crackers, candy, breads, anything that is made of sugar and carbs.

I also work out. I have oftentimes told people that the only reason I work out is so I can eat as much as I do and, other than working out being my therapy, that statement is absolutely true. Because food too, is my therapy.

I do have to say, that I will have seasons in my life where I will skip out on the junk food, ignore the candy aisle at the store, forget that there's such a thing as chocolate ice cream and the infinity creative toppings that can go with it.

And these seasons happen when I choose to be strict with myself. I love when I'm strict with myself just as much as I love when I allow myself to run amok at the closest frozen yogurt joint.

There is a near war that goes on in my mind before finally surrendering to this strict, lifestyle change. Because why do I want to eat whole foods when unhealthy foods fill my belly with such satisfaction, make me happy, and bring me relief?

But I've found there's so much freedom in the restriction. I know what I can eat and I can trust it won't make me feel like crap come morning.

Crap. Yes, metaphorically, of course. Lately I've been feeling quite a bit like crap in the mornings. Or quite a lot like crap in the mornings.

I get up, take some caffeine and start my day with a work out. I eat really well come about 1pm when my real appetite kicks in and I'm stuffing Keebler's Chocolate Lovers cookies down my throat while chugging chocolate milk as a dessert to my Club Lulu from Jimmy Johns.

While I've been blessed to be able to have an appetite and not gain weight too considerably fast, I do gain and then I have the worst time trying to break through those dreaded plateaus.

But the number one reason I choose to be healthy, to make this strict lifestyle change in hopes that I'll remain strict for a while (while knowing that I'm human, a food addict, and tend to slowly be back to my old way in a year or two) is because I'm hypoglycemic.

I can FEEL when my blood sugar is out of control. I can FEEL when it's low and when it's high.

Unhealthy eating, the way I prefer to eat, upsets my blood sugar. It drops far too often, far too quickly or suddenly a binge on sugar cookies will send it so high I could swear I feel the sugar slugging through my veins.

Whether my blood sugar is too high or too low, one thing is certain: My life comes to a halt. I lay in bed for hours, waiting for my blood sugar to lower, or because my blood sugar took such a nose dive, my body is weak.

"Oh, Ladee," I've been told, "Maybe you should see a doctor and see if you can get some medication for that."

WHY? So I can continue eating garbage?

NO. How about I kick my butt in gear, eat clean, and have that be my medication? Will I lose weight? More than likely. But for some reason, losing weight isn't ok, especially when you're as "skinny" as I am.

People need to understand that your health is never solely based on your size.

Just as one size will never be prettier than the other, one size isn't a guarantee to be healthier than the other.

I am choosing this lifestyle change as a reset to my body. This diet is extremely strict, but only for 4-6 weeks (depending on how I FEEL) and then afterwards it's just maintenance. My blood sugar throughout this diet is perfect. I never have any issues while on it. And once I'm off the diet the issues I have are rare, as long as I keep my intake in check. If I'm eating healthy, I can go a meal or two a week eating pure junk and my blood sugar will level itself out on its own.

But the constant abuse and then my body surrenders and can't function like the well-oiled, God-made machinery like it should.

So to those ladies that gained five pounds and are "crying about it", I'm here for you. Because we understand how those measly five pounds make us feel. If we feel awesome at a certain weight, then it shouldn't matter what any outside source says. And as long as we're going about it in a healthy manner, then it really shouldn't matter what anyone says.

And to those that say, "But you don't need to go on a diet", please understand the reasoning behind the person choosing their diet.

While I know, firsthand, about terrible dieting, and obsessing over weight, unless you are certain someone is leading a very dangerous, eating-disorder lifestyle, please, be supportive. Please do not try to sabotage their diet either. It's better to understand it and see if they have "cheat meals" before delivering a pound cake or taking them to a burger joint where there's nothing on the menu they can order and they're left feeling so stuck they either cave (which is painful) or end up drinking ice water while they watch you eat (which is painful too).

Because we all know that dieting isn't easy. And one day you may find yourself on the flip side and will hope that your friends will be of a support to you.

I'm making THESE tonight.

And not once have I heard anything but raves reviews once someone has finished these twice baked potatoes.

Sometimes I wonder if the only reason we get invited to ANYTHING these days is because people will know I'll make these on request so they don't have to.

One day a family invited us over for a BBQ. The husband/father of this family is a professional cook, and has a powerful, intimidating presence and personality; standing over 6 feet tall and weighing well over 400 pounds. His fuse is short and he refuses to take crap from anyone. Most importantly, this man knows his food. And I'm not just saying that because of his title, I've had the food he's cooked and he's a food genius.

It was originally planned that I make potato salad for this BBQ, another delicious side that is derived from a great recipe a good friend gave me.

And that was the plan, according to this chef.

That day I decided I didn't want to make my potato salad, but these twice baked potatoes. I had no doubt this chef would like them as I confidently carried my cookie sheet into his home, full of 16 halves of potatoes, stuffed with everything fattening and cooked to heaven's perfection, and set them gracefully on the table as they glowed so bright I could hear the song of angels.

I take my seat on the couch with the ladies when five minutes later I hear a booming voice from the dining area, "LADEE, THIS ISN'T POTATO SALAD!"

Clearly, he was irritated. I look to meet his gaze and knew he was fighting the urge the strangle me, said the hint of fury in his eyes.

"I know. I--"

"WHERE'S MY POTATO SALAD?"

I felt backed in a corner. At that moment it didn't matter what I said to him. I ruined his meal plan. Which I should've known better considering his love for food. I should've given him a heads up. But that thought never crossed my mind.

His harsh attitude had my mind screaming, "Be happy I made ANYTHING, sweetheart." I didn't care at that moment that he could very well break me in two as easy as I could the BBQ skewers that were being used for dinner, I refused to be talked to like that. But, BUT, I was the guest, and I was at fault for not considering how much a food change could upset this food genius.

I bit my tongue, told myself not to take it personal and said, with a smile:

"I promise, you're gonna like these...better than the potato salad."

Knowing he had no other choice he muttered, "you better be right," loud enough for me to hear, before turning into the kitchen.

Dinner came and went and during clean up I hear, "Oh-mah-gawwwwsh, those twice baked potatoes were the best I've ever had. Is that your recipe, Ladee?"

How I wish I could've seen the grin I had on my face. For my mind played myself pointing at him and yelling, "HA! I TOLD YOU SO!"

But instead I heard myself give a couple chuckles, "heh-heh".

Later that night I was informed that he ate four potato halves. I took home an empty cookie sheet.

I couldn't have been complimented better....even if he didn't apologize for his doubting me.

Since I mentioned in this post about a quick and easy favorite snack/cookie of mine, I thought I'd bring you along as I made it today.

Welcome to my childhood.

Or perhaps I should call them the "Welcome to Ladee's Childhood Cookies"

Or "Ladee's Favorite Cookies" because nothing's better than to have a cookie named after you!

First, the "Perfectly Chocolate" Chocolate Frosting recipe, right on the back of cocoa box:

 I don't follow the mixing directions, but I'm pretty close.

Next, ingredients.

1. 1 stick of butter/margarine, softened

2. 2/3c Cocoa

Here's a little trick to try with your cocoa. I'm always getting cocoa dust on me or it spills too fast out of the container when I'm measuring with a larger measuring cup. If you only open a corner and tip it to disperse the cocoa, a little will come out at a time. If you want more, all you have to do is squeeze the container a bit and more will come out. Less dust, less mess!

3. 3c powdered sugar

I've had this Pampered Chef measuring cup for nine years. I wash it in the dishwasher at least once a week. It still works like a champ! There's a true product review for you. Their measuring spoons on the other hand only lasted a year, tops.

I have no idea why it didn't cross my mind to use it for the cocoa.

It is a little beat up and stained, but very loved. ;)

It can only measure two cups at a time.

Still need to measure out one more cup!

Putting that 3rd cup in! 

4. 1/3 cup of milk 

5. Hand mix until the ingredients are blended enough together so that when you use the hand mixer, all the powdered sugar and cocoa doesn't fling everywhere.

Not there yet. 

There ya go!

6. Get your hand mixer and whip it on high, slowly circling the beater around the bowl and remembering to get the sides. 

(You don't technically need a mixer, you can continue mixing by hand if you'd like.)

And yes, I only used one beater. Don't ask me why, I don't really know. I just use one beater when I make this frosting. I guess somewhere in my brain I am convinced that one beater on high will whip the frosting with less of a mess and with a better outcome than two beaters?

Oooooh, looks like the beginning credits of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. 

I thought I was done and licked the beater when I noticed the frosting didn't taste right.

And then I remembered the vanilla!

So,

7. 1 tsp vanilla

Now the cap of the vanilla holds about 1/2 tsp of liquid.

So I used two capfuls. 

I grabbed that second beater and whipped away.

Perfy.

8. Grab a Texas Rangers cup. 

Ok, any large up, or bowl, will do.

9. Get a gallon sized bag and stick one of the bottom corners into the cup. 

10. Spoon or dump the frosting into bag. 

If there's any reason I go to the gym and work out my arms is so I can lift that heavy bowl long enough to get alllllll that frosting out carefully.

My love for these cookies runs deep.

11. Set aside frosting and clean up your mess because....

12...it's time to pull out the graham crackers.

13. Divide graham crackers into two piles.

14. Use the first pile and do this.

15. Now grab that frosting bag!

16. Twist the top so the frosting is airtight in the bag. 

17. Clip that corner of the bag about a little more than a quarter inch.

18. And put a generous dollop of frosting on each graham cracker.

...until they're all done.

As you can tell, there's still enough frosting for three or four crackers.

Buuuut, since I didn't have any extra crackers and since I just hate to waste something...and since I didn't want to save it as it may go bad....

I ate it.

19. Now top the crackers using the ones from the second pile.

Quick note: place top cracker with perforations going in the same direction as bottom cracker. It makes it easier to eat!

BUT LOOK! I accidentally iced one extra cracker. So what did I do?

I made a double stuff.

  

And here you go! All done. And super easy. Honestly, the pictures make it look harder than it really is.

Let the crackers sit out without a cover. They taste best after day, IMO, but that doesn't stop me from eating them immediately and I won't judge if you do too!

 Oh and 20. ENJOY.

P.S. These photos came straight out of my camera, with no photoshop effects. I know that some could use a little doctoring. But I knew that if I doctored one, I'd HAVE to doctor them all! And ain't nobody got time for dat!