My friend moved here to the great state of Texas many, many moons ago. A few weeks later she asked a bunch of us ladies a somewhat personal question and then said, "Remember, this is a judgement-free zone". I remember looking around at my friends with a relief, for this new gal removed the pressure to try to act perfect, or to attempt to give the perfect answer to her question, when she knew that we all knew that we weren't.
I knew that this was a gal that I was going to like.
I have realized something lately. That the older I get, the more I find how imperfect I am and while I come to God with these imperfections, and state every last one of them to Him, even though I'm clearly aware that He already knows, the more I embrace my flaws, my "sins", my imperfections, my "mess ups"; the more I embrace other people who are in such diverse, different worlds than mine. And the more I don't give a damn as to what their "sins" are when they confess one or two to me.
I was once told that when you come to love yourself, you will find it much easier to love others.
And after I heard that, I heard it several more times.
Until I finally understood it. Now I don't hear it anymore.
I'm not saying that I completely love myself, or that I'm sin-free (ha--that's a laugh). I understand that the natural man is prone to sin. Regardless of what degree of "sin" that it is. And just because we are prone to sin does not justify the act of sinning. It helps us see that we can be downright stupid at times and that we can understand that and be forgiven if we wholeheartedly promise to try our best to never do it again.
Sin = enter your own definition.
I will not be telling you what I believe is right or wrong, or what is or isn't a sin. As I'm no judge. I'm just a person trying to do the best I can and trying to be as Christlike as I can. Drinking beer, for me, is a sin. But I don't believe that it's labeled a sin for everyone (and I will never judge you for doing it. Ever).
See what I mean? So interpret the word "sin" as you will.
I also know too that if we were to lay our "sins" out on the table for all to see that by the end of this experiment we would all end up friendless. Because we would one, be ashamed of ourselves; and two, be disgusted with our neighbor.
The only people who needs to know our struggles, our imperfections, is the One who atoned for them and the One who sent His Son to atone for them.
But sometimes, our imperfections come out.
Sometimes they are harder to hide than others.
And yet people point the finger of blame because while they may be stronger than OUR sin/s, they have a closet ransacked with their own they are trying to ignore. And putting emphasis on our problems helps them, for a brief moment, forget theirs.
Why do we do this?
Why do we find joy in other's pain?
And why do we hide our own pain?
Do we not understand that when we place so much energy into hiding our imperfections that we are actually doing more bad than embracing them and freeing them from within our soul? When we embrace them and free them, the likelihood of them returning is slim to none! Because they no longer have power over us to attract them back into our lives!
If we put as much energy into the great things about us and not so much into hiding the "bad", or what people may have had you thinking is "bad", how much more fulfilled do you think life would be?
When you lay down at night, do you honestly think your Maker wants you hating yourself for your imperfections? YOUR MAKER. Think of a person you love the most. More than anyone else. How would you feel if you knew he/she spent the quiet hours of their life shaming themselves, when you want nothing more than for them to see themselves through YOUR eyes?
How do you think God feels when he sees us doing this?
You know he made every last part of you, including your strengths and weaknesses. You are His work of art. His masterpiece. Yes, YOU are a masterpiece!
Look, God knows we aren't perfect. God knows we have moments of weakness, or moments when we act heartless without thinking. He understands. He wants us to come to Him and say, "I know I did wrong, help me?" and promise to honestly TRY to make ourselves better.
Just the other day I did something heartless. I was at the store, looking for an item that I couldn't find and someone came up to me and said, "Hi, how are you?" To which I responded quietly, "I'm good, thanks". I said it kindly, not warmly as I was in concentration mode and didn't want to be bothered. This person walks off, comes back up to me and says again, "Hi, how are you?" To which I say louder and curtly while burning my eyes into theirs to make sure they're hearing me, "I'm GOOD, THANKS."
I would have been better off saying, "Will you just shut up and leave me alone?" by the look on this person's face. I had clearly upset this person. Their eyes saddened. Their demeanor fizzled. I could swear I saw this person's heart breaking before me. And I, irritatingly walked away. Only to feel piss poor afterwards. I hoped to run into the person again to apologize, but couldn't find them.
"I'm a bword." I vented to myself. "It's freakin' 7:30 in the morning and I probably ruined their whole day. What kind of person am I? How dare I act that way? I am an advocate of cheering people up, brightening their day, giving warm smiles and kind words. And I did none. of. that. Ladee, you are a loser."
While that may be a mere "sin", I was sorry. Deeply sorry. And I prayed hard for forgiveness.
But what if I were to hold onto that "sin"? What would happen? I can only imagine myself forcefully trying to be overly nice to everyone, even at the expense of my energy, so I would never let anyone believe that I'm a mean-ol' woman. I would spend the dark hours of night in anxiety, thinking about how I affected that person's day...when I may not have affected it as bad as I assumed I did. The look on that person's face I still see vividly, but I know it would only haunt me in greater detail. I could very well try to hide from anyone at the store so that I don't accidentally do it again and potentially be even meaner...as all my energy is being spent on hiding how mean I am.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this: We all sin. Don't act like you don't and that you're perfect enough to cast stones at your neighbor because their weaknesses are different than yours. What if the tables were turned and your neighbor knew your secrets? Would you want them casting their stones of perfection at you because they don't sin like you do?
I didn't think so.
Also, don't hold on to your sins. There was a Man that came to this Earth to atone for them! He paved a way that you could give Him your sins and to explain to Him all your weaknesses, and through His love He'll make everything better! As long as you are TRYING, He is fighting with you, easing your burdens, removing your guilt. Making you stronger.
That's it: TRY.
TRY not to sin. TRY to love yourself. And you'll find that loving other's regardless of the way they live easier and more rewarding than you could ever imagine.
All we need is love. Love is the strongest, most powerful gift you can give anyone. It heals, it brings understanding, it changes lives.
