Because apparently, I have no heart (chakra)

I'm a conclusion jumper. It's a habit...a flaw of mine. I don't even know if it's a Type 3 trait.

Sometimes I'll make assumptions of people and situations without fully assessing the picture; what the people involved may be going through, why someone may be acting how they are.

And while I feel that being a conclusion jumper can be used for good as I have made quick decisions and they have worked out for the better, that doesn't mean that being this way all the time is A-OK.

I go to church on Sundays. No biggie. It's the first of the only two good habits I have.

I try not to come to church with the week's stresses. Sunday, especially church, is a time away from the norm, a time to reflect on your week, finding where to improve, a time for spiritual uplift.

It's my recharge...albeit half the time I'm bouncing my leg, twiddling my thumbs, or will roam the halls during class before I suddenly combust due to an over-snuffing of my energy.

Quick overview: Church is 3 hours long.
-Hour #1: "Sacrament Meeting" where we take sacrament to renew our covenants made at baptism and to hear talks/sermons from scriptures.
-Hour #2: "Sunday School" 'nuff said.
-Hour #3: "Relief Society" where the ladies 18+ years old attend to hear a lesson on spirituality; how to be a better person, how to receive Christ in our life, how to serve and love others, etc.

I only attend Sunday School about a quarter of the time I should. It honestly varies on my level of energy.

One Sunday I was in the halls during Sunday School, chillaxing the ADHD and talking with one of my friends that I hadn't seen in a while.

Our close friend comes barreling past us. While she wasn't technically walking fast and was actually very silent, I could sense she was in high-stress mode. And I felt she was trying to project that to the Sunday School Ditchers.

And at the feeling of this, although I love our good friend, I was getting irritated. Like a T3 would, I guess? She was zooming back and forth and stirring the cohesion around my bubble to become confused and suffocated and dramatic. And for someone like me, who relies on those three hours as time away from the chaos of life, to find chaos come barreling back into it, is a recipe for a little active/reactive. When people do this, my first emotion is I sadly find no pity for them.

I have no heart, I believe. In my truest of true forms, I think my heart is black. My "give a damn" is broken when situations like these happen. To top it off, Carol Tuttle justified this by saying my (and other T3s) heart chakra is weak.

Clearly she is saying, "Sorry Ladee, you are bound to be a big, fat meany, especially if you wear black."

The friend I'm talking to turns to our friend and offers to help her. I could not help our friend as I was already asked to play piano for a class. I turn to my friend and say, "That's nice of you." to which she responds, "Well yeah, I'm doing this for her, just because I know she's having a hard day." And then she proceeds to tell me about what our friend is going through. All of these issues appeared like something that has happened last minute or with not much warning.

And I agreed, that is stressful to have sudden changes dumped on you.

I love church. But I have found that church is just that, CHURCH. It is not a time to be fretting and going crazy because there's a slight change in the normal church routine. It's just three hours, let it go. If it's gonna be a wild church day, oh the hell well. That doesn't mean each week will be that way. And that doesn't shed a light on the person that you are. And my good friend, the one that was stressed, is amazing. I admire the person she is. Anyone that knows her, knows that one bad Sunday does not mean that she, herself, is bad.

I see myself reacting how I wanted to. I wanted to roll my eyes and say, "Oh get over it!" Church will work itself out.

But this is where my Type 2 pushes me back, shushes me before I get a word out (or contort my face to show how much I think this situation is being blown up to be bigger than it is), and will tell me of times where I have been in high-stress mode for reasons I felt were legit, even when no one felt I was being reasonable...other than my husband who has to agree with me. ;)

And then I felt bad.

Because I was in Christ's church and was feeling far from Christ-like. Here I saw that there was a person in need, regardless of how stupid I thought the need was, it was an important need for her. And I wrongfully excused that. Type 2 reminded me of the times where I have knelt in the most humbling of circumstances, begging the Lord for solace to a problem that to anyone else, would have their heads shaking in confusion, as to them, my need for solace made no sense. I have asked for help in situations where clearly to another person, I shouldn't need help. I have said no to opportunities that could have been of benefit to me and others but because of where I was in life, I could not do more than be a simple homemaker; making it one day at a time.

And at that very moment, I wished I was more Type 2. A little more considerate at the first sight of seeing someone in stress...that I had a little more heart.