Ladee then, Ladee now. Difference? True Happiness.

Once upon a time there was a brace-faced girl.

Who religiously over-plucked her eyebrows.

And spent her teenagers years a chameleon. She would be whatever the majority of the group was. Or the type of person that she figured would get her the boy she liked.

(Heartbreak much?)

And while that seems like no big deal, for this suppressed Type 3 girl, it was a challenge. She tried matching her Type 1 friend's high energy, but it drained her and even she knew she was coming off fake. She tried being serious and strict like her Type 4 friends, but she didn't agree with their "It is or it isn't" opinions. She tried being confident and pushy like her Type 3 friends but she considered other's feelings way too much...plus she thought she was ugly. 

Every day she would question her actions, her motives, wondered what the hell she was doing and why did it not feel right for her to be the way she tried so desperately to be when personalities came so effortlessly to her friends.

Being a Type 2 "fit", albeit the mold was itchier than chigger bites all over ones ankles.

Sure enough this woman grew up, "blossomed", if that's what you consider finally knowing how to master makeup, symmetrical eyebrows and fashionable clothes.

She met a man, a real kickass, charming man. And together they started a family.

Everything seemed right.

But this woman, wife, mother wasn't wholly happy.

But she didn't complain. She had everything in life she had always dreamed.

...including as much food as she wanted to eat. 

And eating away her emotions, her dissatisfaction with herself, she did.

(End of third person narration.)

5' 3" 210lbs

At my heaviest, the day before delivering my youngest.

How I hated this picture. My mom insisted we take it so we can "document" this moment of sheer obesity pregnancy. I know this is a poor picture but I refuse to ask my mother for the original copy. I was miserable and in terrible pain. That's all you need to know.

I was determined to believe that all 65 pounds gained would just melt off within a couple weeks of delivery.

Size 13 pants

Yeah, right, Ladee. When does that ever happen?

A year or two later, my friend and I decided to go on a diet together. We would track our calories, keep it at a healthy number and whaddya know, Ladee started losing weight.

And while my body was finally a sight that I no longer cringed looking at, I continued to feel that something was missing.

But I didn't know what. Nothing made sense. I had everything. 

So I thought that this was it. This was the happiest I would ever become. And I was ok with that.

...but I still found food as my source for comfort. My weight was a constant yo-yo. I would be strict and then I would toss all my healthy desires to the wind as I ate whole bags of M&Ms and a whole box of ice cream Drumsticks. And you think I'm kidding.

And then one day my family and I heard the most tragic news, Grandpa was sick and would pass soon.

Such a traumatic moment became the moment of awakening. While I spent weeks in mourning over my precious Grandpa, the walls that I did not realize I had placed for safety around me crumbled. I was at my most vulnerable. I was broken. 

And one day I realized I needed to wipe those tears, pick myself up, and live.

I started changing. A little Ladee was coming forward and from deep within, her voice quiet at first, but as I embraced her, she became more prominent. 

After a couple years of this, this little Ladee now my main personality, I thoroughly believed I had gone through some sort of identity crisis. But could it be a "crisis" if I'm freakin' loving who this new chick is?!

I found Carol Tuttle's Book, "It's Just My Nature" and my life my sense. 

I decided then to let myself be more authentic, more natural, embracing my natural looks (except those eyebrows, those will remained penciled) and no longer trying so hard to be someone I'm not.

This inner love for myself, finally seeing myself as the Lord sees me, gave me the desire to be healthy and mostly, to. be. happy. 

Mr. Hunter has stated that I'm not the same person he married. But he never once as said he wished for the old Ladee back. He senses my happiness, my confidence, and while it was a momentary culture shock for me to not turn to him for his every opinion, desire, or action on something, he has welcomed my "inner blossoming". 

And I couldn't have asked for a better companion.

While some things have changed, both inside and out. Some things, clearly, haven't:

Fact: Ladee was a dork then and Ladee is still a dork now.