When walking away is impossible...

...because your inner voice is screaming for you to do something.

Something that you wouldn't imagine doing, at least during this present time.

Something you haven't done in nearly 11 years.

Something you used to dread.

Something you honestly believed 11 years ago that you never have to do again in your life.


Friday Mr Hunter treated me to lunch. After lunch and on a whim I remembered an old gift card, given to me by a friend nearly a year ago. I tried using it twice, once online but couldn't find anything I wanted and the second time I went to a location that was closed. I had forgotten about it since.

Mr Hunter and I drive 15 minutes to the nearest location.

A little sign on the door entrance read that they were hiring. I thought little of it until I walked in and

fell
in
LOVE.

Have you ever been at a place that you know you've never been in before and immediately felt at home and as though you belonged there?
I walked in and instantly felt as though this place was without me, that I belonged there, and could almost envision myself walk from behind a bookshelf, books in a cart and putting them in their designated location. My every fiber felt right about it. Even the employees did I feel a special connection to, though I talked with none of them. I felt I knew them.
It all oddly made sense.

As we walked throughout the little shop my inner voice kept saying, "Ask what hours they're hiring. Ask what hours they're hiring!" I can only work mornings and early afternoons during week days. So if I were told they're looking for weekend workers, it would at least appease the voice within, as well as the future Ladee who would look back and wonder, "What if?" And if they said they needed someone for mornings, I would ask how I could apply.

We get some things for the kiddos and while at the register I asked the cashier.

The sweet man, about my age, said, "We're hiring all hours. It doesn't matter." and handed me an application.

I felt joy.

The tri-folded pamphlet, which inside had the application, felt oddly weighted and beamed in my hands as we drove home. I set it on top of my laptop, as though to not forget about it when in the back of my mind I knew there was absolutely no way I could.

I finally filled it out tonight.
...even though I realized real quick that I have no idea how to fill out applications to make myself sound awesome enough for an employer to want me.

That made me anxious, until...

I realized that I'm freakin' 31 years old, I'm not going to ask for help filling this thing out, I'm going to fill out my application with the exact words as I would SAY if asked me in an interview.

I'll be handing this in Monday. Poor handwriting with poor execution and all.
At least I'm being real, right?

If they don't hire me, I've lost nothing, I just go back to doing what Ladee does.
But if they hire me, it'd be pretty sweet.