Without viewing anyone's video, I decided to make one. I wanted it to be uninfluenced by the other YouTubers, I wanted it to be unscripted and come from within. What would I want the 15 year old me to know?
At 15 years old I remember laying in my room in torment. I felt so alone and so dark. I felt no light within me. I felt no emotion and felt imprisoned because of that. I remember wondering what in the world brought me to this place and wondered if I'd ever be happy again...or if I'd ever be able to EXIST the way I did again.
I reached up to the air above me, as though I attempted with every fiber of my being to grab hold of the ceiling that rested six feet above me and begged God to touch me, to heal me, to show me any sign. I remember begging for him to touch me, or for any sign, any sort of acknowledgement that He was there!
Nothing happened.
I felt at that moment that the only way I would know His existence and to be able to return to sanity, was if I left this earth.
It made sense at that time. There was no way out of the abyss I lingered within than that.
Fast forward 17 years to day.
So much has happened since that night. So many chapters of my life opened and closed and opened anew. Each chapter expanding my understanding more than the last about that time in my life.
I have a far greater understanding of what happened and why it did. Why I had such a tumultuous season in my life and at such a young age. Why I felt so alone, why I felt so forsaken.
I could go on for days. My understanding now is like an onion, with many layers, all bound together, only for me to truly know each part of it.
But I wanted to share a little of that onion with you.
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