Truly Loving Unconditionally

(I saved this years ago, so I do not have the source to this image. If you know the source, please comment below so I may correct this. Thank you!)

Valentine's Day is coming.

And while I should be brainstorming more about what to do for my Valentine's Outfit Of The Day, I instead have something else on my mind.

Love.

Which you'd think, "Duh, Ladee, of course you're thinking about love with Valentine's Day coming up."

And actually no, it's not because of that.

LOVE has literally been on my mind a lot lately.

This past year I've been thinking a lot about me (ha, I sound arrogant) and about how much I want to be the best person I can be. And in my journey of forever betterment, or whatever you may call it as while I know that I am a work in progress, I am certain that I'll never always have it right or be perfect, I've been listening to how I talk to others, watch how I treat others as well as how they talk and treat me.

And I do have to say that I look back with a lot of shame.

How could I so easily love someone, or give someone the benefit of the doubt and then lose all that within an instant when I hear of a secret of theirs or hear that they no longer attend church/stop believing in God or that they choose to do anything against my moral code?

What good am I doing by suddenly seeing them in a different light, therefore choosing to forgo that "benefit of a doubt" that I only hope others would give me?

I felt it was drilled within me to "love one another" and to be like Christ, who loves everyone, only to be whiplashed with how I should be careful of those I allow as friends, for their influences could affect me.

I literally felt the only friends that I was to have were not those that had the same "standards" as mine, but only those who attended the same church as mine.

Every one else, all those other potential friends that I could have had, I was just to be kind to, but keep at a distance.

And I look back on my life, wishing I had been more accepting of others.

I have a good friend who left my church.
Her mother told her, "I would've rather heard you died than leave the church."
Her father emails her with quotes upon quotes, wronging her reasons for leaving.
Friend number one pulled me aside one day and said, "I don't know how to act around her now."
Friend number two said, "I was told that I should lose contact with her."
Many friends talk about her as though her salvation is lost.
And many of those friends don't talk to her anymore.
But when I asked my friend how she feels about everything, she gave me a genuine smile and said, "Ladee, I am at peace."

And I felt peace too. Because how can I argue that? Argue the fact that she's at peace with life? Who am I to say she's not? Who am I to say that she is now unworthy of love and friendship because she made a decision she felt within her was the right one?

If we feel inner peace with that we're doing in life, how can that be wrong?

While this has been a slow transition for me, to love one another as they are, starting around the age of high school, I woke up one day just tired of judging on the whole. I got tired of thinking someone should be loved to a certain degree more or less than someone else because of the way they choose to live their life.

I'm not saying that I'm completely judge-free. I still have my times when I make assumptions of people and for the most part, any negative assumption I have generally ends up to be a wrong one, which only reminds me that I'm a fool and need to leave the judging and the assumptions to God, for heaven's sake (pun intended).

Why are we so selective in the love we give?

People act like love is some finite resource. Like it's gonna get all used up so we must use it wisely.

I understand how loving someone, only to have them stab you in the back (or to not reciprocate it), sucks. I understand the blow that is, I understand how hard it is to sleep with that knowledge and knowing that person won't be there tomorrow or worse, knowing you must cut those ties tomorrow. I understand how it feels to know you gave love throughout a period of time, wondering if that person was deserving of it and if they truly loved you back.

I understand too how that can have us putting love on hold for others. Or keeping them at a distance to protect a resource within us that we cherish so much; a part of ourselves we may never get back.

But why can't we give some love and care to everyone? Why must our hearts run cold until someone comes along to warm it? Why must we look on the outside or look at the faults FIRST before assessing whether someone is worthy to be loved or even accepted?

When I decided to believe that love is an infinite resource, I found myself with more love to give. And I found myself making far less negative assumptions.

As it says in 1 Thessalonians 3, when given instruction on how to better one's lacking faith:

11. Now God himself and our Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ direct our way unto you.
12. And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward ALL MEN, even as WE DO TOWARD YOU.
13. To the end he may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, with all the saints.

I feel that if we are commanded to love one another and that being it, no asterisk next to this verse, no "if, and, or but" afterwards then shouldn't we do just that: to love one another and to give them that part of your time and even a small part of your heart?

I started this blog years ago, hoping that I could word vomit everything that I'm feeling and what's going on in my life and in the lives of my friends so that I could back up why I feel this way and what honestly started this post.

I guess what has me hurt the most and has me writing this post is because I know far too many people, myself included, who feel they can't be truly honest with those around them because they feel that those they cherish the most will see them differently and therefore remove their love from them and create a wall of separation because, "it's you that's changed".

I hate that I can only tell a few people what lies within the deepest realms of my heart or be most authentically me because they're "safe" when I could easily be this way with a stranger and spill my guts to them and they wouldn't see me any different than any other person. How is it at all logical to trust a stranger more than to trust a family member with what's burdening you? I've wondered how many times I've told my children they could tell me anything, but my actions have had them second-guessing that and therefore, they don't?

I want to change that. I want my kids to know that the safest person they can trust, is ME. I want my kids to know that any question or concern or worry or fear or anything can be held safe within me and that they'll know I'll still LOVE THEM.

And the parent in me thinks that maybe that's where this all should start: within the home. For if we show those around us how it is to love and to give the benefit of the doubt, then maybe, just maybe, that Christlike example will be etched within our hearts and will come naturally to those who are outside the home.